When Ministry and Seminary Collide…

The family seems to always lose!

This week, the first week of classes, has been an extraordinarily busy week. For many seminary students, I am sure this is a true statement. For seminary students who either work in a secular job or a ministry at a local church, this is even more of a true statement.

This week, my church hosted a mission-intensive week we called “My Jerusalem Week.” We worked on our own facilities as well as worked around the community. We had something going on from 8 am to 9 pm each night from Monday through Friday. In addition to this, I had to continue to focus on my own area of ministry with the forthcoming church “school” year fast approaching.

As I stated earlier, this was also the first week of classes at Southern Seminary as well. I am taking Baby Greek which meets four days a week. I now have homework every night which has not happened in over 14 years! Plus, the class is at 7 am which is far too early to be learning a foreign language if you want my opinion.

I remember I wrote a post here at GtS back in March about how to avoid losing time with your family. Well, I must confess that I have failed miserably since June when Krista lost her job…again. This week it was made abundantly clear to me that my family must take priority over ministry and school. However, there is a season in both ministry and school where your time is demanded over your time with family. The problem is when both of these occur in the same week. Perhaps Paul was talking about just this situation when he wrote 1 Corinthians 7:25-40.

My challenge, to myself and to you, is to maintain a proper balance in life. Devote your precious, fleeting time to your family whenever you can. Yes, your relationship with God is of the utmost importance, but your time at the office or in the classroom should not affect your relationship with God. If you fail with your family, then I believe you will not have much of a ministry.

My question is how do you strike a balance? I know how I sometimes strike a balance, but I also know I fail regularly. Please, I would love to drink from your well of knowledge and experience in this area.

When an “A” Might Be Sin

I’m back!  I’m sure no one has noticed, but since the last Love & Marriage post 6 weeks ago I’ve been missing in combat.  Jeff and I have discovered that — surprise! — baby #2 is on the way.  Consequently sleeping, throwing up, and consuming an embarrassing quantity of cheesy bean burritos has taken precedent over blogging of any sort.  But I’ve missed goingtoseminary, and I thought I’d share these details because as a mom in seminary, there have been a few more lessons than just those on the final exams.

I entered seminary three years ago a childless overachiever.  A 4.0gpa in high school and 3.97 in college, graduating in three years…I wasn’t sure how to slack off.  At graduation I spoke to the college students about Colossians 3:23, working at everything with all of our hearts, as unto the Lord.  And with conviction!  When seminary was coupled with working full-time and managing our home, it just meant a little less sleep–no big deal.  But then during Spring term of our first year, pregnancy hit and I was throwing up during class breaks, warding off migraines during finals, and eating saltines to stay awake during our late night classes.  It was then that one of our professors shared this with our class:  He said, “For some of you an “A” might be sin.  If you are working full time and have a family and are getting all A’s, then it’s highly likely that something or someone else is suffering.”   I don’t remember a whole lot about the parable structures in the synoptic gospels, but I sure remember that.

I entered seminary childless. I will graduate this year with two in diapers.  Jeff has sacrificed as well–giving his evenings to spend time with our son, then staying up until all hours of the night finishing papers and teaching outlines.  He always puts our family first, even when it means he can’t do as well as he’d probably like to on a particular assignment (why do overachievers marry overachievers? :-).  But I guess you’d say we’ve both realized along the way that not everything in our life can be given 100%.  Sometimes, “just enough” is all you’ve got.  They say that it’s not worth doing something unless you can do it well.  Three years ago I’d have hung that quote on my wall.  Today I say perhaps there are times when a little mediocrity is really excellence in disguise.  Today I’d say that “working with all your heart, as unto the Lord” can even mean skipping that last paper revision so you can skip rocks with your son.  It might mean (the horror!) missing an assignment so you don’t miss her recital. Perhaps there is a time when an “A” might be sin.

A Word to Seminary Wives

Guys, now’s the time when you go, make your wife a cup of tea, take the kids outside, and let her curl up on the couch with this blog. You’ll be glad you did.

I am so thankful for the unique opportunity of simultaneously being a seminary student and a seminary wife at the same time. Occasionally this feels a bit odd. At Multnomah there is a Student Wives Fellowship, a group that meets monthly in order for wives to feel more connected to each other. I never felt like that was the place for me. I wondered, Where is the Student Husbands Fellowship? Yeah, there isn’t one. Because, let’s face it, the majority of students in seminary are males. Trends are changing, but no matter what your position is on women in ministry, women will always have the unique and treasured job of childbearing, which means we will likely be spending more time changing diapers than studying theology.

However, I’m so thankful for the opportunity to be in seminary with my husband, and it’s made me aware of a few things I’d love to share with you. Whether you’re considering seminary, enrolled in your first year, or focused on the upcoming finish line, I pray this can be an encouragement to an inevitably weary soul.

Make Decisions Together

First, what I’ve discovered is that when our husbands sense God’s call to go to seminary, it is critical that we are in wholehearted agreement. If not, talk to him about it! The best piece of advice Jeff and I ever received with regards to making significant life decisions was, “Whatever you do, make sure you’re in total agreement. No matter what decision you make, if you’re both on board, you’ll make it through together.” We’ve succeeded and failed in this area. This past year we’ve been living with my parents in order to finish seminary full-time and have help with our 18-month-old son while we’re in class. Leaving our jobs, home, town, church, friends, and moving in with parents has been harder than we’d ever imagined. At times I’ve felt tempted to become bitter, murmuring to myself, “Why did I have to give up my home and my life so that Jeff could quit work to go to seminary?! I had to give up everything!” Whenever I’m tempted with these thoughts, you know what keeps me from going there?—remembering that we made this decision together. Together we decided to move, together we discerned this was God’s will, together we packed up all we owned and moved into their two guest bedrooms. I’m not a victim—we’re in this together.

So if your husband’s contemplating the call, seek God with all your heart to make sure you’re on the same page. Jeff teaches at a small Bible school in a nearby town, and sadly he recently had a student whose wife finally gave him an ultimatum—“You have to choose! It’s either me or school. You can’t have both.” That is the tragic end of a decision to pursue seminary that’s not made together.

Endure or Embrace?

Second, once we agree on the decision and take the plunge and head into this crazy world of seminary life, we choose one of two options: We endure or we embrace. To endure life as a seminary wife means we don’t complain when he stays up late to study, we don’t nag when doesn’t help give the kids their baths, we don’t whine when discretionary income is a distant memory. We bite our tongue and remind ourselves, this won’t last forever. Now that’s fine. It’s certainly better than a lot of responses. But it’s still incomplete. What I propose is that when God calls your husband to attend seminary, He calls you as well. In fact, I propose that your calling requires a steeper climb, a higher road, a costlier sacrifice. To embrace your husband’s calling to attend seminary means embracing the life that comes with that decision.

Now this will look different for every couple. I’m certainly not about to tell you how to do your marriage. Jeff and I have our ways of divvying up chores and responsibilities in a way that works for us. You have to find your own way. But embracing the call means joining him on the journey. The most difficult thing for couples in seminary is that fact that the husband is out experiencing profound spiritual truths, while the wife is often engulfed in the mundane details of work or home or kids or managing their life. So, how can we change this? Try reading a book he’s reading for class. Not enough time? Just read one chapter and discuss it with him. Read a paper he’s turning in and ask him about things that don’t make sense (or challenge him about things that aren’t well thought-through!). Visit a class once a month. Ask him to share with you some of the most impacting things he’s learning (and listen!). In short, as much as your schedule allows, experience seminary with him. Rather than seeing seminary as the enemy that prevents him from giving you the time and energy you desire, embrace it as a means of uniting with your husband in a whole new way. Join him on the journey.

And lastly, recognize that the spiritual and sensual are linked. Husbands can be tempted in good and bad ways during times of heightened spiritual experience. My pastor’s wife once told me, “My job is to seduce the pastor.” And that’s not degrading. You may write books, preach to thousands, have a successful career, raise children, empower people, but one of your jobs is to simply seduce the seminarian. Take it seriously.

That’s all for now. I’m thrilled to be included on this blog. I hope any of you wives and female students will contact me with thoughts, advice, woes, prayer requests, or questions. I’m just one girl, juggling the many hats we women are called to wear. My best to you all on the journey…it’s a sweet road ahead.

Transitioning one’s soul to finish the day well

This post was written by Jeff of deTheos. Jeff is married to Kari and they have a son, Dutch. Jeff is currently attending Multnomah Biblical Seminary.

This year marks five years of marriage for my wife Kari and I; and three years in seminary, as students together. We have enjoyed every season of it, yet at times the various schedules of work and seminary life have collided to create a holy anticipation of rest.

Last summer we moved closer to school and family (in with Kari’s parents for a season), while I commuted 90 minutes each way to work. The plan was to leave my career in construction management in mid-August, allowing for a week or two of rest before Fall semester. But after giving five months notice at my job, we entered August without a replacement and no plan for a transition. Wanting to serve my boss and friend well to the very end, I stayed on part-time after Fall classes commenced. Sixteen graduate credits, added to 20-30 hours a week of work, added to being an intern with our church, and oh yeah, being a husband (of a seminary student too) and father. Something had to give. Praise God my part-time duties at my former job only stretched into the semester two months, and we were able to breath a little bit. While I was exhausted, it was probably hardest on Kari and our young son Dutch.

I had been using up every one of the 5,400 seconds during my commute home each night returning calls, processing the stress and strain of the day’s projects, and often listening to part of an audio sermon and worship music. Each night I arrived home emotional spent, and was ready to simply check out for the evening. But Kari and Dutch deserved so much more! He was growing up while I was away each day; Kari was clamoring to hear any news from the outside world (as we lived then and now with her parents). I simply gave her my mental left-overs.

In the middle of this season I read a quote from a book by pastor C.J. Mahaney. In Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God (pp. 49-50), he writes about transitioning one’s soul during the commute home from work. It struck me as powerful, practical, and very effective for being essentially a small thing. Seeking to do this has had great impact on our home life, and it is easy to tell when I haven’t paused and calmed my soul to be “all there” at home after a long day in class or at work. Let’s strive to be better husbands and fathers. Here is Mahaney’s story (emphasis added):

“When our first two children were still quite young, I realized that my commute home in the evening was functioning as little more than a review of my day. As far as I was concerned, by the time I got in that car, my responsibilities were pretty much over until the next morning. I saw my home as a refuge, a place where the emphasis, for me, was on being served rather than on leading and serving with Christlike love.”In God’s mercy, he showed me the selfish motivation I was bringing home each evening. I saw that my commute could be best utilized as a time of transition, so that I might be prepared to finish the day by loving and serving my family well.

“So I made a practice of pulling the car over a few blocks from home so I could take a couple of minutes to make an effective transition in my soul. There on the side of the road, I meditated on Ephesians 5 as well as on some other passages. I confessed to God my sinful tendency to be selfish and sought to prepare my heart to serve my wife and children when I arrived home. In this way I learned to see my home as the context where I have my greatest privilege and opportunity to serve. This practice had a transforming effect, allowing me to walk through the front door with the mind and heart of a loving servant-leader. By God’s grace, I found it an excellent help in building a loving marriage, enjoying my family, and minimizing regret.”

There I find a practical, everyday example of being a selfless husband, rooted in the theology of Christ. Even now when my commute can vary from 10-60 minutes, the last part is best served to calm and transition my soul. That way I am better able to walk in the Spirit home and give Kari and Dutch much more than the left-overs of the day. Praise the Triune God for His patience with us.

Love and Marriage in Seminary

This post was written by Terry of Diary of a Seminary Student. Terry is married and has 3 sons. When he’s not blogging on his site, he also writes a weekly post on Said at Southern Seminary. He, as you might guess, is attending Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.

Not only was I honored when Just a Guy asked me if I would like to write a guest post for him, but I think I agreed almost before I thought about what to write. However, as soon as I hit the “send” key, I knew immediately what I was going to write about. I humbly submit the following post about love and marriage to Going to Seminary’s readers.

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.
–Proverbs 16:9 (ESV)

When my wife and I began to pray about going to seminary, we came to the conclusion that this is what God definitely had for us. As moving day approached, there were many unresolved questions that we left up to God to resolve. As I look back at last July and August, I see how the above Proverb is so true. We had a plan and we knew what and how it was going to work out. We watched God literally clear the path for us to move to Louisville with our two boys and a third on the way. I watched as God granted Krista an amazing peace about leaving home (the St. Louis area) for the first time in her life.

When we moved in, everything was going well. We had enough time to get our apartment set up and get ready to face a new school year. However, God had other ideas. Ten days after we moved, we were told that the job that was promised to her was not and could not happen. I was unable to find any employment and the whole ministering position never materialized. The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.

We didn’t panic. We just found ourselves believing that God had us in Louisville for a particular purpose and that He was going to show His glory for our unbelieving family. From August to November, the only real income we had was my working for a golf course at minimum wage and working for dining services on the campus of the seminary. Even combining both salaries, I was unable to pay our rent for the month.

Krista and I prayed together. We read Scripture together. We sought God together. God answered us by giving her another position at another university doing exactly what she would have been doing—and they were not even looking to hire someone! We watched God provide through the giving from others (Christians and atheists) as He supported us through these months. The heart of man plans his ways, but the Lord establishes his steps.

Now, we have three boys under the age of four. My wife has a full-time job working from home. I am able to work a couple jobs supplementing the rest of what is needed all the while attending seminary full-time. That pastoral position never opened up, but it seems as though God has ever plans for ministry as well.

I give all that background information in order to say that you, husband (seminary student), or you, wife (seminary student) cannot make it on your own. You will need each other now more than ever. What is more, you will need to make sure that Christ is at the center of your marriage. Satan can and will use this time of theological education to wreck any ministry you may have now or in the future.

Husbands, we are charged with the spiritual well-being of our families (Eph. 5 and 6). It is your responsibility to make sure you are taking into account the balance between work, school, and family. Even if it is the wife who is attending seminary, the husband needs to keep all of this in mind. Sometimes it is best to take a C on a paper if it means showing your children that you are there for them.

I realize that some days, there is not enough time in the day to do everything. Currently, I am in the middle of mid-terms and 10-page papers. This is the two stretch of the semester where my wife understands that I need to focus on school work. However, I need to not make an idol of my school work. There is a balance that must be struck, and we are not capable of always maintaining that balance on our own. We need to lean heavily on Christ and our spouse.

Every night, my wife and I sit down with our older sons and we read Bible stories (might I recommend “The Big Picture Bible” and “The Jesus Story Book Bible”). After reading those, we talk about the story and then say prayers. This shows them that Christ is at the center of all we do. It also gives the family a time of worshiping our Lord and Savior outside of church.

My wife and I sit down each night after the two older boys are in bed for a minimum of 15 minutes to do a devotional. Lately, I have been writing them up myself as we read through the Bible together. We decided to just do a chapter of the New Testament each night so that in 240 days, we will have read through the entire New Testament together and have answered a few questions per chapter. The importance of that 15 minutes each night for her and I cannot be explained. It must be experienced.

I do not write these things to show how great a husband I am—believe me, I am a lazy human being. I share this with everyone here in order that they may learn what I learned before God takes away your comfort and forces you to have faith in Him. After all, “The heart of man plans his ways, but the Lord establishes his steps.”

Date Night

I once had a pastor who had the Rule of 7:

Every 7 days take your wife on a date
Every 7 weeks take your wife on a weekend get-away
Every 7 months take your wife on a week’s vacation

Now, that sounds all good-and-well but my mental calculator (crummy as it may be) added that up to EXPENSIVE.

So, what are we to do? Before I go into how Just a Gal and I do date night, please feel free to comment with your experience. I’d love to hear how you and your significant other date. How often do you get away? What do you do? Do you budget for date night? Is it a regular event on your calendar?

Well, for me and Just a Gal we do a couple things. For one, we have a TV date night once a week. I stop my work and studies and we sit on the couch for an hour or two and watch shows we’ve TiVo’d. Watching shows on TiVo means we can cut commercials and save some time. (For inquiring minds, we mostly watch LA Ink, House, and Iron Chef America) While this is, admittedly, a lame date… it is nice to just relax and kick back with some chocolate chip ice cream and be together.

Second, we go on a real date every 4-6 weeks. We don’t get to do this too often due to $$$. We’ve got Sweet Pea and Little Man, so you can tack on and extra $20-$30 for childcare. On top of that, I really like good food. So, when we do date night, it is all about dinner. Rarely do we go to the movies or do anything else that costs money, instead we dump all the date night funds into the meal. For me, there is something truly wonderful about sitting and enjoying a spectacular meal together with someone you care about. Sure, sharing a meal at your favorite Mexican restaurant is nice, but on these rare times I get to be alone with my wife outside our house it is amazing to be able to sit in a quiet, dimly lit, restaurant as your savor succulent course after course. The beauty is that at a nice restaurant your meal should last an hour or two. So, there you sit, the two of you… simply enjoying being together.

Now, personally I have a rule when we go out to eat and that is, if you want it, get it. The point of the rule is that Just a Gal is the penny pincher in this marriage. So, if we went out to eat without this rule then she’d always end up getting the appetizer portion of a crab cakes or something for her main course… However, I know that deep down she wants the rack of lamb with garlic truffle mashed potatoes and chocolate covered bacon (seriously, that was on the menu on our last date). The logic for the rule is this… is it really fun if you go somewhere and really want something on the menu but then get something you don’t want… just to save some money? You spend the rest of the meal thinking, “I wish I got that thing with the chocolate covered bacon…” So, that is our rule… get the meal you want.

Now, you are probably thinking, what the heck… are you mr. bankroll or something? I can’t afford that.

Well, think through a typical date (or what I assume to be a typical date):

Dinner for 2 plus tip - $40
Movie and popcorn - $30
Coffee and tea - $10
Total = $80 +/-

So, for me and Just a Gal, we nix everything else and dump it all into the meal. We typically spend between $70 and $85 on our date night meal and we ALWAYS have a good time.

Now, I’m not saying that this is for everyone. Your budget and your lifestyle are probably different than ours… heck, you might not even like chocolate covered bacon. But for me (and I think this is the point of the post) is that date night should be special. While in seminary, and the rest of life won’t be much different, your reschedule is busy. Taking time to be together and doing something your really enjoy, sharing it together, is truly important. Don’t neglect it. Don’t forget to go on a date!

Setting Goals in Seminary

So, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to this semester and trying to determine how I will know if the semester is a success. Is it a successful semester if I get straight A’s? Is the number of pages I read this semester a measure of success? Is going to class every day an indicator of a good semester?

Well, I’m still working on this list. However, I think this is a really good idea… to sit down and determine what “success” looks like for you this semester. Then, when the semester is over, you can pull out the list and have a good evaluation tool. Also, I think it would be good to review the list from time to time during the semester… to remind you of what is really important and what you are really trying to acomplish.

So, with that said I’ll share some of the items that I’m thinking of putting on my list. PLEASE, feel free to share the items that make your list. (Is there anyone who already does something like this? If so, is it helpful?)

Oh, and I decided to add some general categories for the evaluation questions to fall within.

Questions to determine if this semester in seminary was a success(rough draft):

FAMILY:

• Does Just a Gal feel loved, appreciated, and that you devoted enough time and energy to her and the kids?
• Were you home for dinner most nights?
• Did you pray and read scripture with the family?
• Did you consistently pray for your family?
• Are you paying the bills?

SCHOOL

• Are you more in love with Jesus because of your studies?
• Did you read, with reasonable care, most of your assigned reading?
• Did you maintain a “C” or better in all your classes?
• Do you better understand Genesis - Joshua, its storyline, and its implications on the rest of scripture?
• Do you have a functional grasp of the Hebrew language?
• Do you better understand the book of Hebrews, with specific emphasis on texts that previously confused you?
• Have you been able to transfer what you’ve learned in Hermeneutics into something that is more than mere head knowledge?
• Have you been able to think more clearly about educational ministry within the church?

WORK

• Have you given excellent service to all your clients by providing clear and timely communication?
• Have you met all your promised completion dates?
• Have you found at least 4 sponsors for Going to Seminary?
• Have you wisely spent your open work hours developing and creating your affiliate marketing sites?

CHURCH

• Are you serving the local church?
• Are you involved in a small group and developing meaningful relationships with people?
• Are you praying for those who don’t know Jesus?

HEALTH

• Does Just a Gal still find you sexy?
• Do you eat 3 meals on most days?
• Have you increased your fruit consumption?
• Do you get adequate sleep every night?
• Are you dealing with your stress in a healthy way (or building it up until you blow up)?

SPIRITUAL

• Do love Jesus more and more?
• Are you consistent in your devotions (or are you skipping them to write blog posts like this one)?
• Are you consistently praying?
• Is your walk with Jesus a treasure and delight?

OK, so there is my rough draft. Please feel free to let me know what you think and/or what is (would be) on your list. I really think something like this is good to help remind you of what you value and what is important. Without it I might just end up trying to get straight “A’s” at the expense of all the other items. However, it is the entire list that defines a successful seminary semester.

Moving - A seminary’s advice

There is a brief post on the Concordia Blog with some advice for those who have to relocate for seminary.

While not an exhaustive post on the subject, there are some great little pointers in regards to the practicals… Like don’t pack your boxes over 50 pounds and give your current employer your new address so he or she can send you your W2.

The post got me thinking that it might be a good idea to run a couple posts here on the topic of moving (especially since it is so fresh in my mind). Yeah… I think I’ll do that.

Posts on moving and relocation coming soon…

Tough transition day

My heart broke today.

I walked into the kitchen to fix some lunch and saw my wife crying… enough said, right?

I walked up and simply held her.

“I’m sad,” she said through her tears. “I miss my friends.”

There wasn’t much to say except that I understood and that I wished I could make things easier… but I can’t. I can simply hold my wife, love her, and pray for God’s grace during this time in our lives.

The fact of the matter is that I’m sad too… Moving is hard, no two ways around it. We’ve left our best friends in the world hundreds of miles away and now we sit in a new house, new town, new church… not much is familiar… no walking into church and looking to your left to see ____ and ____. No knowing that when you go to the coffee shop you’ll likely run into ____. No calling up _____ and _____ to come over for dinner. It is tough.

I’ve spent time today dwelling on the Gospel and reminding myself that my King also had to leave the place he knew, a place he loved… he left the throne of heaven and came to live and die on earth. That has helped… staring at Jesus usually does… but it is still a battle.

I’d be humbled and honored if you could take a moment and say a prayer for my family.

My hope is built
on nothing less
than Jesus blood
and righteousness.

I dare not trust
the sweetest frame
but wholly lean
on Jesus name.

Edward Mote c.1834

Health Insurance for seminary

Ok, health insurance is a pain in the neck. It is expensive and if you’re not on a company plan it is even more expensive. So, what are you to do?

Well, first thing is to try and land a job that actually provides health insurance. Trick with that one is that most part time gigs don’t offer it. Some do, but most don’t. Then, you need to be careful because those who do offer it, often offer crappy insurance… they get you with “we offer insurance to all employees.” Then you get the policy and realize how crappy it is when you have to jump through every hoop known to man in order to set up a doctors visit.

So, if anyone knows a company that has a good insurance for part-timers, please share the love.

So, assuming you don’t get insurance through your job, what are your options.

Well, I think all seminaries offer some sort of insurance, however, much like the the part time jobs it is often not that great. In fact, my admissions officer was kind enough to answer my question, “does ____ offer health insurance to students?” with brutal honesty. “Yes… but it isn’t very good. You’d probably be better off going with someone else.”

Well, you’re basically left with only a few options. You can contact an insurance sales person. If you go this route, check with your seminary as they might have a connect to a trustworthy representative. However, don’t be lazy. Check with a couple other companies than the one that you’re seminary pointed you to.

A final option that I’ve found helpful is eHealthInsurance. This site compares a bunch of different plans and prices.

At this point Just a Gal and I haven’t decided on what we’re going to go with. I need to contact a local rep in _____. But eHealthInsurance gave us some good results with reasonable deductibles, copays, and doctor visits… with pretty good rates.

Anyone else want to share their insurance wisdom or experience?

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