Going to Seminary

It has been four months since we began this journey to and through seminary together. Thank you to those who have read, commented, encouraged and helped me along the way. There is one resounding question in my mind that continually drives me to my knees, keeps my wife understanding and gives me hope in my studies. Why? Why am I here? Why did we move to Dallas? Why did we leave behind career paths, friends, family, opportunities and comfort that God had blessed us with? The answer is Jesus. And there is no greater question or answer to reflect upon this week.

I am writing this prior to finals in hopes to have it submitted early, but it should appear six days before the day we have designated to celebrate the birth of our Messiah. Jesus did not have a Christmas tree, gifts, red wrapping paper, a stocking over the fireplace or snow on the ground when he was born. All these things have been used by our culture to symbolize this time of year. As long as we continue to see this holiday as a celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ, His coming to humanity in its state of sin to bring us freedom, to bring us salvation, to bring us to Himself, then I think any item that drives us to remember what Jesus has done, can be good, whether it is red wrapping paper, a Christmas tree or lights displayed on trees, homes and stores.
I hope that as you study theology, Greek, Bible study methods, and read through those big books the seminary required you to buy, you will remember that it truly does all come back to a child, laid in a manager, 2,000 years ago. I love the Old Testament because it points me to Jesus. I love the New Testament, because it points me to Jesus. In all of our intellectual pursuits, whether seminary, a Bible study, a meeting with a mentor or a personal pursuit of holiness, we must remember to “fix our eyes upon Jesus, the Author and perfector of our faith” – Hebrews 12:1-2.

I hope this semester has been a blessing for you as much as it has been for me. Whether you are making copies and pizza, realizing the Honeymoon is over, finding out that God’s ways are not the same as yours, or just surfing the web for new blogs, I hope you remember Jesus. I hope you ask yourself, “Why?” Why are you doing what you are doing? Why are you where you are? Why are you doing the things you are doing and making the choices you are making? Are you pursuing Jesus in those choices, or a Master’s Degree to hang on the wall?
The temptation is always there for me to think of that degree. The temptation is there to think of a DTS class ring, walking across that stage at graduation, and having another, “I accomplished something” moment. As I have read through John 15, Colossians 3 and Ephesians 1 recently, I have come to realize that I truly can do and have “nothing” apart from Christ.

At least for now I have a built in way to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus and be reminded of what He has done for me daily. As long as there is snow on the ground, stockings over the fireplace, red wrapping paper and a tree in the corner of a home, we are reminded and made consciously aware that Jesus came, gave His life and rose from the dead 2,000 years ago to set us free today. Merry Christmas. I hope the subtle differences you see throughout your day this time of year remind you of the first Christmas and drives you to long for the only one that will top it – our first Christmas in eternity when we spend it with Jesus in Heaven.

Have you ever taken a trip? Did it go just like you had planned?

Chances are, if you’ve traveled much at all, at some point you’ve found yourself dealing with unexpected delays, detail changes or maybe even a complete cancellation of your plans.

For those of us in ministry we often joke about schedules and plans and how they never work out as you expect. I believe in schedules, I believe in plans. Last night my wife and I were discussing this topic, and I am convinced that we must plan and prepare more than I thought was necessary as a younger man in ministry.

I recognize that our plans are not something to be set in stone with no opportunity for deviation, but rather a guided structure that bring us back on track when the unexpected occurs.

Very rarely do we plan a trip and have everything go exactly as we expected. The challenge with planning a trip with others or doing ministry and life with others is that “others” are involved. Pre-conceived plans, notions, ideas, rabbit trails and thoughts are quickly thrown to the side once someone presents a perspective or plan that you and I never thought of. I think it is a blessing to be able to stop where you are, acknowledge and accept a better plan and proceed down that path.

God gives us the responsibilities to pray, plan and proceed. Then He accomplishes His purposes through us, even when we think nothing is going “as planned.” I am pretty sure Joseph did not plan on spending time in Egypt as a slave prior to becoming second- in-command over Egypt. I am pretty sure Moses did not wake up one day and plan to kill an Egyptian, live in the desert for 40 years, hear God speak to him and then lead an entire nation to freedom in Yahweh’s name. It can be a very good when things do not go according to our plans.

Seminary is not an “according to my plans” time. I’ve spoken with several other students and we all have experienced this dry, the-sap-of-life-is-being-sucked-out-of-me feeling around the second or third month of the semester.

I think we have figured out what it is. For some reason, although I and others have spent years trying to spend daily time, communing with God, asking for guidance and digging into His Word in the desire to have our lives, thoughts and actions shaped by it, we came to seminary and seemed to forget what is important in our personal lives, relationships and specifically, in our relationship with God. Around October I began to wonder why I was so stressed, where my peace had gone, and why I didn’t feel connected to God.

I guess prayer, accountability and personal reflection have something to do with that. I and many classmates traded those things for more study time, more reading and Greek vocab cards.

I hope you are reading this thinking, “this guy is an idiot.” Good! Don’t do what I did. Maybe you are reading this and it is hitting home with you, like it has with so many students I have spoken to over the last month. That is OK, too.

Many other students I spoke with said they, like me, came here and for the first time in years were just students – not the guy leading a Bible study, youth group or ministry. Between not setting aside a quiet time for reflection and not being as active the Church body as we had been for years, we began to feel like the most pious, spiritually numb people in the world.

Seminary is tough. Life is tough. If your seminary experience is pushing you away from God, something needs to change. And here’s a hint – it’s not God; it is always us.

I do not know exactly what this looks like, but I can tell you that we are not alone. Most of the students I have asked either have struggled with this, are struggling with it, or even face it every semester. This is my first semester. I would love to get the answer right the first time, but that rarely happens for me.

I met a student last Sunday who gave me a word that summarized all this, reflection. He told me his struggle had been to reflect upon what he was learning each semester. Once he recognized it and reflected upon how this new understanding should change the way he lived, he was able to apply the lessons to his life and grow in his personal relationship with God. He graduates in May. I am sure he has a better answer than I do. Please leave comments, suggestions, advice, verses and prayer requests.

Welcome to the Journey. It’s ok if you forgot something, do not finish in the time you planned, are led into youth ministry when you wanted to be a lead pastor or go on to be successful in business. The important thing is that when you leave you learn to love God and serve others more than when you came.

Do you remember your first experience with puppy love? You fell in love with that cute girl/boy across the classroom, playground, grocery store, etc. Immediately, in your mind at least, this woman or man became your knight in shining armor or the princess locked in some high cold peak, awaiting you to come save them. Then they were gone, maybe you spoke to them, maybe you walked up, talked to them and dated them. I’m guessing at some point you realized they were not “exactly” what you had imagined. We tend to use the phrase in America that when you realize this, “the Honeymoon is Over”.

Welcome to your first month of Seminary. I fell in love with Dallas Theological Seminary 3 ½ years ago when I visited campus for the first time. I heard professors telling me that it was not about me, the knowledge you get or do not get, but learning to love God and others more with every tool (like seminary) that God provides. I was hooked. Surely, I assumed, everyone who applies gets accepted here, (note the 3 ½ year span of waiting), surely all the teachers grade on a curve, give you lots of Grace and everyone agrees on each Theological point presented.

Wow, is the Honeymoon ever over. After one month of classes, especially Greek, I seem to remember how difficult Spanish was in High School. After one month of sitting next to students from every corner of the world I am beginning to see how culture affects my perspective on things. After one month of sitting under amazing men and women who open God’s word and see things I never knew were there I am beginning to understand that maybe we do not have all the answers at the beginning, middle (after seminary) or end of our lives.

Everyone finds different things in the same passage. We observe differently, we perceive differently and the Truth of God’s Word affects each of our lives individually and very differently from the person right next to me.

It is almost like God wrote this Love letter (the Bible) just to me! Please note, I am not insisting that we take the Bible out of context and see whatever we can make out of a few words. I am saying that reading Philemon and understanding a slave being freed means something much different to me, a Caucasian Midwestern than my friends from Korea, China, and South Africa who sit next to me and internalize those truths in a different way.
It is a wonderful thing to be part of a multi-cultural community that is seeking the same goal of being accurate to God’s Word, Loving Jesus Christ and pursuing Him with their lives. I am discovering things I would not have known sitting at my desk at home with a Bible, concordance and some commentaries.

As much joy as I am getting from the classes, professors, students and projects, the honeymoon is over. I have roughly 400 pages of reading each week, Greek to study every day, large projects due each week, month, and a big one due at the end of the semester. At this writing a month has slipped right past me as a breeze through an open door and I am realizing the chill. A month is gone. That big project is due in two more. My Seminary career will be done in a brief moment of time.

Congratulations to all who make it past the honeymoon. Things are not easy here. Since coming to Seminary I have heard more stories of personal, financial and emotional tragedy than I have anywhere else in life. The story of “my car broke down at the state line” is common. The story of “I could not pay rent, then a check showed up,” is heard often. It is amazing to see how God provides.

As with puppy love, sometimes things do not develop how we thought they would. On a very sad note, my classes are much smaller than they were five weeks ago. Many have decided that either Greek or seminary all together was not for them. God leads us all down different paths in lives and I know that he can use each of us in His way and time. Seminary is not for everyone. But to those who made it through the first month, the first five weeks, the first semester, congratulations. Whether you are still dating, or in a committed marriage relationship to this thing called Seminary. Stay the course. God Provides and we will make it through this with His help.

Desire… Have you ever had a desire for something deeper than yourself? Of course, as a Christian, we all have.  Has that desire been so strong and so internally compelling that it scared you?  Has a desire like this driven you to pursue God in a way that looks very strange to those around you?  Do you get up early to read about God and spend time with Him?  Do you pick up strange and difficult books to grasp a glimpse into the eternal being that created you?  Do you long to know more about Psalm 139 and look at biology through a lens of “how God knit me together?”  If you have a desire that has gone deep within you and touched every aspect of your life and the way you see the world.  That is a start.

Commitment… Have you thought about being in ministry full time?  Many of us dream of a job where we can read, hang out with Jr. High Kids, Counsel or Study all day.  Have you feared it yet? Have you come to a point of rationalization where you have to ask, “Can I handle it?”  Have you thought through constant interruptions, counseling mothers and fathers whose children have just committed suicide, being there for men and women as their marriages, careers, lives and families fall apart?  Have you been afraid of it yet?  If so, that is a start.

Compassion… How has your heart changed over the last few years? Not last week for that cute girl who won’t call you back, or last month for that rock band you loved, or last semester after the retreat on Evangelism you went to, over the last few years?  Are you more excited to reach the lost because they need Jesus or because you have a new comeback or apologetic to try out?  Is your heart driven to love the lost because you remember how you were a hopeless slave to sin, living apart from God, Lost and with No Hope in this world? (Eph 2:12).  If you were saved a young age, do you know what your heart is for the lost?  Have you found that yet?  Paul said he was in the pains of child birth, Gal 4:19, until Christ was formed in these Galatians who already knew salvation but were not growing.  Have you gained compassion for the lost and those in need of growth as you look at your own sin and struggle with the flesh?  Do you long to come along side your brother or sister in Christ, do battle with them, go through the pain of failure just to reap a moment of victory and pray for God to give growth to that person?  If you long for that, it is a start.

Pride… Have you left yourself behind?  If you can do anything outside of ministry, go do it. You do not belong in Seminary.  Seminary can only mold and shape you to have a more effective ministry.  Perhaps that ministry is serving burgers and witnessing to others, if that is your passion, jump on board, join the group, but if you can serve burgers and never care about the customers souls, Seminary is not for you.

Change… Everything above was my journey to Seminary.  It has been a 15 year process of prayer, research, God giving the growth as other servants planted and watered the seeds of God’s Truth into me, growing a compassion for the lost to a point of knowing that I could never not be in ministry.  Pray, be patient and Trust God.  If He wants you in Seminary, you will get there.  And if not, you will be blessed with whatever ministry he has laid before you, even if that is ministering to the customers at your local hamburger shack.

Remember… Full time ministers do not often get to work at gas stations, bus stops, restaurants or offices.  God still ministers there. We are part of a body of believers.  If you are a hand, be a hand.  If you are a foot, be a foot.  If you are a member of the body of Christ, keep your eyes fixed on the Head, Jesus and serve where you are today.  Seminary may be in your path.  I embraced the growth He gave me when I was serving pizza, making copies, meeting with college kids, sitting in an office and serving in the local Church while praying about if Seminary was for me.