Going to Seminary

“There is a danger of doing too much as well as of doing too little. Life is not for work, but work for life, and when it is carried to the extent of undermining life or unduly absorbing it, work is not praiseworthy but blameworthy.”

Ralph Turnbull (1901-1985)

How good are you a tightrope walking?  How many items can you juggle at one time?  What are the most important balls to keep in the air?

These are among the many questions I was faced with during my first semester in seminary. I knew it wouldn’t be easy…not with a husband, two young children and two geriatric dogs in tow. I understood it would require a sizeable adjustment having moved our family (as well as my mother-in-law) to a new area, requiring us to find new dentists, doctors, libraries, schools, grocery stores and more. I sensed it would involve great sacrifice since my husband would be gone nearly five days of each week for his job…only leaving us a small window of time together on the weekends.

So, how did I juggle all of these responsibilities? And, how well did I do in meeting them?  To answer this question, I called upon Stephen Covey’s time management grid where Covey* identifies four areas (quadrants) signaling how we should spend our time:  (1) urgent and important, (2) not urgent but important, (3) urgent but not important, and (4) not urgent and not important.

One area in which I think I succeeded (in some small measure) was that my family remained in quadrants (1) and (2). Obviously, I had to make judgment calls as to when the needs were urgent or not and I had stress maintaining those levels but I sacrificed to make sure they were honored.

Where I fell short was in how I treated my seminary work, my devotions and myself.  Regarding seminary, more often than not, I had placed my coursework in the urgent/important grid. I did that knowing that my family sacrificed a lot to allow me to follow my calling so I thought I was doing them a favor by pursuing my seminary coursework “all out” such that their support would not be in vain. What I realized later was that they had already given enough and, while I needed to attend to my studies, I didn’t have to give 110% every time. Regarding my devotions, I often found myself empty and exhausted from the reading and the writing of seminary work and it ate away at the time I had set aside for personal study and prayer. I think this is what troubled me most because I knew how monumentally important it was. And, concerning myself, I neglected good eating and exercise regimens and I did not get the level of sleep that my body most desperately needed. Frankly, I’m still feeling and seeing the effects of this personal neglect.

As I look toward the fall term and the balance of my seminary journey, I realize I need to make some adjustments or I’ll be paying a price I am no longer willing to pay. Regarding coursework, I’ll give it a good effort and be willing to consider completed assignments to be “good enough”. Regarding my devotional time, I simply need to observe the Sabbath day as it was intended. In so doing, I can spend more time with my family, be more caring toward myself and be able to reconnect more fully and deeply with God. To remind me of these commitments, I plan to keep a copy of Covey’s grid posted on my wall along with Jesus’ commandments to love the Lord with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength and to love my neighbors as myself (Mark 12:30-31).

Perhaps Galileo said it best when he noted ”I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use.”  I, for one, need to heed God’s words of wisdom when it comes to understanding what is truly important and how best to balance that to which I have been called.
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*Stephen Covey is the author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

For those of you who have families of your own, you may very well recognize the blessing they are in your life. While these relationships can require a great deal of patience, grace and love at times, they can also be very rewarding and love-filled. In fact, because of my family, I have had a difficult time listening to God.

About three years ago, shortly after my mom passed away, I kept hearing messages about sacrifice. At the time it wasn’t clear who or what was to be sacrificed but that a sacrifice would be required nonetheless. I came to realize that it involved my spiritual walk. Beyond that, I was clueless.

Not long afterward, a training opportunity was presented to me to become a lay speaker for my church which, among other things, would allow me to serve as pulpit supply. While I don’t clamor for opportunities to speak publicly, there was something about this invitation I felt led to pursue. About three months later, my pastor asked if I would bring the message at our two services one Sunday while he was traveling. I did end up speaking and knew almost immediately that pastoral ministry was what I was called to do.

Despite this sense of call, I kept hitting the brakes when it came to my family. I felt it was okay for me to make sacrifices but how could I ask my family to do that? At the time, we had two young children–ages 3 and 5–for whom we had waited countless years to hold in our arms. Understanding that children at this tender age need special love and nurturing, how could I step away from that to pursue what seemed like a selfish desire on my part? Also, I had been married 21 years at that point and clearly recalled the vow I made to my husband at the altar. How could I provide a balance between what it would mean to pursue several years of study to become a pastor (and an itinerant one at that) yet remain faithful to the vows and responsibilities I had as a wife and mother? If that weren’t enough, I had been in the workforce for a number of years. Could we manage on one income? After all, we had bills to pay just like everyone else.

With all the questions floating around in my head, I realized that these were decisions I couldn’t make on my own. To help me sort things out, I began candidacy studies (a discernment process within my denomination) to help me crystallize this call as well as to dig deep on this ministry-family struggle I was encountering. I spent several sessions with my mentor trying to understand what was best for my family. Should I forgo ordained ministry and continue my volunteer bible study teaching? Should I consider a lay staff role at a church? Should I just forget it all?

As time went on, it became evident that I couldn’t ignore the call God had placed on my life. But, despite all my longing for answers, I still couldn’t reconcile how I could “do” schooling and ministry and still meet my commitments. Should I take an alternate track toward education, attending weekend classes a few times per year? Should I pursue seminary part-time? Were there seminaries that I could commute to or that offered online programs? Could we afford it? It seemed like every time I turned around I had more and more questions.

Finally, I surrendered. After a lot of prayer, consultation, and a nearly two-year-in-the-making candidacy process, it finally dawned on me that it wasn’t my responsibility to make those decisions for my family. Just as I had relied on God to speak into my life about his plans for me, I had to trust that he would do the same for my family. And, over time, he did just that–in ways that I could not even begin to imagine.

My husband had always been supportive of me and, in time, he came to his own understanding of what this change might mean for our family and for him personally. He not only encouraged me to pursue seminary but offered to relocate to do so–this from a man who had lived in the same area all of his life. I knew then he was called, too. Within a matter of two months, God paved the way for us to respond:  I applied and was admitted to seminary, we listed and sold our house, we found another one in our price range, the girls were transferred to a new school, a scholarship was provided by the seminary to provide much-needed support and we found child care for those times that my husband would need to be gone for his job while I was at school.

It’s been said that God is interested not so much in our abilities as in our availability. In other words, he’ll provide the gifts and graces. We just need to say, “Here I am, Lord.  Send me.”

Today’s post is the first from our Kindle Contest winners.

I’m pregnant.  Well, not in the real sense.

Allow me to explain.  You see, I’m a newly-minted seminarian and I’m dealing with the reality of what I wrote as part of my admissions essay this past fall and the reality of what I’m experiencing in my first semester of study.  What I’ve quickly discovered is that I have something growing—intellectually and spiritually—inside of me.  It’s new, it’s mysterious and—while I’m excited about it—I’m also a little anxious.  And, like a pregnancy, I have both good days and not-so-good days.  On the good days, I feel I am right where God wants me to be. On the bad days, I wonder if I ever really understood my faith to begin with.