Going to Seminary

Title sound familiar?  Jeff’s post Professors Are People Too, got me thinking.  On my lap right now sits a stack of theology position papers–a tall stack, I might add–to grade.  Jeff and I have been blessed the past three years to tag-team TA for the first year Theology class.  Jeff fills in teaching once or twice a term as administrative responsibilities pull the professor away, and I do the grading.  We both enjoy our respective responsibilities and Dr. Lockwood gets two TAs for the price of one–everyone wins!

What I’ve learned is that grading is a challenge beyond what most people realize.  The first year we did this, I agonized over papers.  I read and re-read, afraid of treating someone unfairly, afraid of devastating someone with a poor grade, even if the paper didn’t merit a higher one.  I went to great lengths to try to remain anonymous so no one would hate me.  Now it’s become a bit easier, and my skin’s gotten a bit thicker, but it still takes an enormous amount of time and energy.  No one wants to give a fellow student a bad grade.

I recently spoke with a fellow grader who had a trying experience.  After a particularly difficult assignment, one which resulted in a number of poor grades, he was sitting in the student lounge and overheard a table of students from the class. Since no one knew he was the grader, his ears perked up as he heard them discussing their last grades. He was horrified to hear them badmouthing “the grader”, complaining, making up stories of how they bet the grader derives twisted pleasure out of giving bad grades.  He was devastated.  Though the experience brought growth for him, as he realized he had to let go of pleasing people and simply do his job, it was still disheartening. He’d spent hours laboring over the papers, trying to remain faithful to the professor’s strict key requirements, yet trying to be fair and gracious, reading and re-reading.  Their words were quite the blow.

I share this story just by way of reminding all of us that how we respond to a poor grade is the litmus test of our spiritual maturity.  How we treat the fellow student who grades our work reveals our heart.  There’s nothing wrong with challenging a grade, but do we do so with humility and meekness, with a genuine attitude of concern and of wanting to improve and understand, or do we do so out of pride and arrogance, demanding our way?

Ways to Bless Your Grader

Consider thanking your grader.  Consider letting him or her know that you appreciate the time they put into laboring over your work.  Oh, and while you’re at it, consider these few things, they will certainly bless your grader, and might make a difference in your grade(!):

1. Please please please please please don’t tweak your margins or your font size to make your paper longer or shorter.  After reading 25 papers, a tweaked margin/font size jumps out and screams, “I can’t follow directions! I refuse to make my paper meet the assignment requirements so I was just lazy and changed the parameters.  Please grade me down!”  Call me a stickler, but this just bugs me.  If the paper is 10-12 pages double spaced in 12 pt. font, write a 10-12 page paper double spaced in 12 pt. font. No more, no less.
2. Save the plastic binder/cover things for saving your children’s artwork. They don’t make the paper any better, they just mess up the stack and make them hard to tote around.
3. Use the appropriate citation form. If your professor says Turabian, use Turabian.  This is a really easy way to make your grader happy.  I have written “please see Turabian form for proper citation method” a thousand times.
4. Humility goes a long way.  I’ll admit, a paper with a cocky author just begs for red slashes.  Consider your voice.  Better yet, consider your character.
5. Use quotations sparingly.  Papers filled to the brim with quotations make you realize that author has no idea what they are talking about and is settling for sticking in other people’s thoughts.  Quotations are meant to support your claims.  When possible, incorporate material into your own words to demonstrate your comprehension.
6. Lastly, please realize that you have to use a source in order to include it in your bibliography.  Listing 25 books is not impressive if you only used 3.

I am so thankful for the privilege of being a grader, and it has definitely given me sympathy for those who have graded my papers.  Let’s consider our attitudes (and our margins!), and give those graders a break.  After all, who else is willing to wade through your *ahem* rather dry 12-page discussion of Hebrew chiastic structure?  Your grader … and maybe your mom.

Right now Jeff and I have two possible opportunities (for a pastoral role for Jeff).  One seemed like it was a no-go, then the other sprung up, then it died down and the other seemed like it was back on, a done deal. Then, no word for weeks, while the other has emerged again a bit stronger.  Whenever we’ve leaned one way, something makes us tilt back to the center.  At this point, we have no idea which will materialize, or even which we’d prefer.

I’m a black and white thinker. It’s natural for me to analyze situations constantly to determine what the very best situation is.  I also am passionate about rejecting the sacred/secular duality, and instead embracing that God is in every details of life…the sacredness of the mundane.  So even in college I remember asking God, “What way should I walk to class today?  Is there a specific way you want me to go, so I’ll meet someone or is there is something you have for me?”  Don’t get me wrong, there were plenty of times I just had to run the shortest way because I was late, tired, or sick of the rain, but I’m a pretty hard-core believer that there’s usually a “best way” to do things.

Isn’t it funny how God challenges us in the way we naturally think?  I’ve had this funny feeling, this strong feeling lately that in this two-opportunity situation Jeff and I are in, that God might be asking us to choose.  We’ve prayed, we’ve weighed, we’ve given both our best shot.  We’ve listed pros and cons, we’ve sought counsel.  You name it, we’ve done it.  And granted, neither one has been exactly handed to us at this point, but I still have this strange suspicion that God’s asking us to choose.  And not just choose what is the good option and the bad, or even between better and best.  But just to choose what we’d most desire to do.

My fingers stutter even writing those words. I am not a “best life now” kind of girl.  I don’t choose things based on what I want or like (unless it’s ice cream flavors); I choose based on ministry, effectiveness, efficiency, utilizing resources, sense of should, greater benefit, etc.  And most of the time, I do believe those are the right things to factor in when making decisions. But could it be, could it possibly be, that there are times when God actually says, “I’ve chosen you. You’ve followed my path. Now you choose … what would you like?”

My Family Ministry professor shared a similar experience. He reached a point where he had to choose which direction to go in ministry. Everytime he prayed, he envisioned a tennis match with God. He kept hitting the ball back at God: “What do You want me to do?”  And everytime, God kept hitting it back at him, saying: “What do you want to do?”  At first it frustrated Him–of course God must want Him to do a certain one thing, right? But then eventually He realized that in this one situation, God was actually allowing Him to just choose what he wanted to do!

I met with my mentor professor today and without me even bringing this idea up, she said, “It sounds like God is letting you choose. Like when you hold out for Dutch (my son) an apple and a banana and say, ‘Which one do you want, Honey?’  Both are nutritious. Both are great options, both will nourish him. One is not better than the other.  The end result is the same, and because you love him you’re letting him choose according to his heart’s desire, because it pleases you to let him.”  So simple.  I don’t expect Dutch to evaluate the fiber content of each or estimate his need for potassium or evaluate which piece of fruit costs less.  He just chooses and we are both happy.

Of course I still believe that most of the time God has the “right choice” for us. But as we consider our options–which seminary to attend, where to live, which job, or smaller things like what to do on a Friday night with our families, perhaps at times our loving Father hands us two glorious options, an apple and a banana, and says, “Here precious child. Which one would delight you?”  Perhaps sometimes God just lets us choose.

For awhile I’ve wanted to write about discovering the treasure that is the seminary faculty, but realized it would be a little hypocritical coming from me.  (Chad mentions this topic in his Top 5 “secret” tips for your first semester)  This is my fourth year at Multnomah Biblical Seminary and it was not until this Fall that I made my first appointment with a professor (except for a four-minute sweaty palm appointment to challenge a low grade my first semester, but that hardly counts).  Yes, it’s taking 3+ years of seminary to even make an appointment with a professor. Sad, I know.  I always thought it would be neat to talk to them, but somehow the idea of actually scheduling a meeting seemed to require that I be either in need of serious counsel or in danger of dropping out, and I was neither.  I never really felt an emotional need, and could never think of anything that seemed significant enough to demand their precious time.  And, since I’m largely content to do things solo, I settled for chats in the hallways.

But by year four it was time.  I finally had to do the internship I’d been putting off for three years, and by an amazing God-ordained turn of events, was invited to a do a Teaching and Research Fellowship with my mentor professor.  This meant meeting with her weekly along with my other teaching, grading, and research responsibilities.  Weekly?  This means that this year I will meet with professors as least thirty times as much as I’ve done in all my other years combined (!). What I’ve learned so far?  Our faculty is the un-mined treasure of this school.

I’m realizing these professors are so much more than teachers-they are vision casters and mentors and dreamers and facilitators. They are door-openers and enablers and wise and godly counselors.  They are bruised and scarred men and women whose lives are brimming with stories to share.  And what amazes me is that their aim is to see students, young and stumbling students like me, be greater, humbler, and more effective ministers of the gospel than they are themselves.   As my mentor said, “My job is to dream something bigger for you than you could ever imagine.”  And she has.  It is relationships like these that serve as catalysts for God’s purposes will to be carried out for His glory.

As another professor told me today, “You don’t have to have a problem to come see me. Just come see me.  We can go for a walk, talk about ministry.  Bring questions, ideas, concerns, or just your sandwich and a cup of coffee.”  I’m now seeing that if we only attend classes, we’re missing the greatest treasure seminary has to offer–the precious men and women of God who give their lives to see us thrive.  Mine this treasure.  Make an appointment, and see what gem you may unearth.

For awhile I’ve wanted to write about discovering the treasure that is the seminary faculty, but realized it would be a little hypocritical coming from me.  (Chad mentions this topic in his Top 5 “secret” tips for your first semester)  This is my fourth year at Multnomah Biblical Seminary and it was not until this Fall that I made my first appointment with a professor (except for a four-minute sweaty palm appointment to challenge a low grade my first semester, but that hardly counts).  Yes, it’s taking 3+ years of seminary to even make an appointment with a professor. Sad, I know.  I always thought it would be neat to talk to them, but somehow the idea of actually scheduling a meeting seemed to require that I be either in need of serious counsel or in danger of dropping out, and I was neither.  I never really felt an emotional need, and could never think of anything that seemed significant enough to demand their precious time.  And, since I’m largely content to do things solo, I settled for chats in the hallways.

But by year four it was time.  I finally had to do the internship I’d been putting off for three years, and by an amazing God-ordained turn of events, was invited to a do a Teaching and Research Fellowship with my mentor professor.  This meant meeting with her weekly along with my other teaching, grading, and research responsibilities.  Weekly?  This means that this year I will meet with professors as least thirty times as much as I’ve done in all my other years combined (!). What I’ve learned so far?  Our faculty is the un-mined treasure of this school.

I’m realizing these professors are so much more than teachers-they are vision casters and mentors and dreamers and facilitators. They are door-openers and enablers and wise and godly counselors.  They are bruised and scarred men and women whose lives are brimming with stories to share.  And what amazes me is that their aim is to see students, young and stumbling students like me, be greater, humbler, and more effective ministers of the gospel than they are themselves.   As my mentor said, “My job is to dream something bigger for you than you could ever imagine.”  And she has.  It is relationships like these that serve as catalysts for God’s purposes will to be carried out for His glory.

As another professor told me today, “You don’t have to have a problem to come see me. Just come see me.  We can go for a walk, talk about ministry.  Bring questions, ideas, concerns, or just your sandwich and a cup of coffee.”  I’m now seeing that if we only attend classes, we’re missing the greatest treasure seminary has to offer–the precious men and women of God who give their lives to see us thrive.  Mine this treasure.  Make an appointment, and see what gem you may unearth.

I’m back!  I’m sure no one has noticed, but since the last Love & Marriage post 6 weeks ago I’ve been missing in combat.  Jeff and I have discovered that — surprise! — baby #2 is on the way.  Consequently sleeping, throwing up, and consuming an embarrassing quantity of cheesy bean burritos has taken precedent over blogging of any sort.  But I’ve missed goingtoseminary, and I thought I’d share these details because as a mom in seminary, there have been a few more lessons than just those on the final exams.

I entered seminary three years ago a childless overachiever.  A 4.0gpa in high school and 3.97 in college, graduating in three years…I wasn’t sure how to slack off.  At graduation I spoke to the college students about Colossians 3:23, working at everything with all of our hearts, as unto the Lord.  And with conviction!  When seminary was coupled with working full-time and managing our home, it just meant a little less sleep–no big deal.  But then during Spring term of our first year, pregnancy hit and I was throwing up during class breaks, warding off migraines during finals, and eating saltines to stay awake during our late night classes.  It was then that one of our professors shared this with our class:  He said, “For some of you an “A” might be sin.  If you are working full time and have a family and are getting all A’s, then it’s highly likely that something or someone else is suffering.”   I don’t remember a whole lot about the parable structures in the synoptic gospels, but I sure remember that.

I entered seminary childless. I will graduate this year with two in diapers.  Jeff has sacrificed as well–giving his evenings to spend time with our son, then staying up until all hours of the night finishing papers and teaching outlines.  He always puts our family first, even when it means he can’t do as well as he’d probably like to on a particular assignment (why do overachievers marry overachievers? .  But I guess you’d say we’ve both realized along the way that not everything in our life can be given 100%.  Sometimes, “just enough” is all you’ve got.  They say that it’s not worth doing something unless you can do it well.  Three years ago I’d have hung that quote on my wall.  Today I say perhaps there are times when a little mediocrity is really excellence in disguise.  Today I’d say that “working with all your heart, as unto the Lord” can even mean skipping that last paper revision so you can skip rocks with your son.  It might mean (the horror!) missing an assignment so you don’t miss her recital. Perhaps there is a time when an “A” might be sin.

I’m back!  I’m sure no one has noticed, but since the last Love & Marriage post 6 weeks ago I’ve been missing in combat.  Jeff and I have discovered that — surprise! — baby #2 is on the way.  Consequently sleeping, throwing up, and consuming an embarrassing quantity of cheesy bean burritos has taken precedent over blogging of any sort.  But I’ve missed goingtoseminary, and I thought I’d share these details because as a mom in seminary, there have been a few more lessons than just those on the final exams.

I entered seminary three years ago a childless overachiever.  A 4.0gpa in high school and 3.97 in college, graduating in three years…I wasn’t sure how to slack off.  At graduation I spoke to the college students about Colossians 3:23, working at everything with all of our hearts, as unto the Lord.  And with conviction!  When seminary was coupled with working full-time and managing our home, it just meant a little less sleep–no big deal.  But then during Spring term of our first year, pregnancy hit and I was throwing up during class breaks, warding off migraines during finals, and eating saltines to stay awake during our late night classes.  It was then that one of our professors shared this with our class:  He said, “For some of you an “A” might be sin.  If you are working full time and have a family and are getting all A’s, then it’s highly likely that something or someone else is suffering.”   I don’t remember a whole lot about the parable structures in the synoptic gospels, but I sure remember that.

I entered seminary childless. I will graduate this year with two in diapers.  Jeff has sacrificed as well–giving his evenings to spend time with our son, then staying up until all hours of the night finishing papers and teaching outlines.  He always puts our family first, even when it means he can’t do as well as he’d probably like to on a particular assignment (why do overachievers marry overachievers? .  But I guess you’d say we’ve both realized along the way that not everything in our life can be given 100%.  Sometimes, “just enough” is all you’ve got.  They say that it’s not worth doing something unless you can do it well.  Three years ago I’d have hung that quote on my wall.  Today I say perhaps there are times when a little mediocrity is really excellence in disguise.  Today I’d say that “working with all your heart, as unto the Lord” can even mean skipping that last paper revision so you can skip rocks with your son.  It might mean (the horror!) missing an assignment so you don’t miss her recital. Perhaps there is a time when an “A” might be sin.

Remember the “Freshman Fifteen”? What about the “Seminary Several”? Perhaps you escaped the undergrad weight gain only to find that now seminary hits you with the one-two punch of entering your *ahem* shall we say, less than prime years, coupled with devoting an inordinate amount of time to sitting, studying, and consuming large quantities of coffee and Snickers bars. Jeff and I thankfully haven’t added the Seminary Several, but we have discovered that Seminary equals Sedentary, and after a life of sports and activity, these past three years of seminary have taken their toll on our fitness to say the least. So, this past month Jeff and I took a weeklong summer intensive course. Even though I committed to staying alert, focused, and purposeful in gleaning as much as I could from class, by 11am on the first day I was drowsy and guiltily clicking through Facebook to keep myself alert. By the time lunch rolled around I was ready to ditch my healthy brown bag in favor of French fries and a Caramel Macchiato.

The Lunch Run

But (!) I was fiercely determined that I was going to take the opportunity to get some exercise during this summer class. So, I decided that during the lunch hour each day I would go running. Fortunately the weather cooperated, and I had just enough time to go to the gym, change into shorts, run for thirty minutes, then splash some ice cold water under my arms, and get back to class a little red in the face but energized beyond what any Starbucks would ever be capable of achieving.

I was amazed at the results. I found it so much easier to focus during the afternoons (and I’m a morning person so I can’t blame it on that!). I found myself energized, positive, enthusiastic, and feeling motivated to eat my healthy lunch rather than ditch it in favor of the McLunch I would later regret. On the last day of class it started to rain, and since I’m a wimp, I forewent a run in the drizzle, and instead chose to explore the weight room of our campus’s gym. I was amazed! While not the most state-of-the-art fitness center, they had great equipment and free weights. And I practically had the place to myself. I realized that I’d been through three years of seminary without ever taking advantage of the free fitness facilities (Perhaps free is not the word considering the size of our school loans). How many days did I shuffle through my classes, unable to keep myself alert without shocking doses of caffeine, when I could have been taking time to exercise my body, relax my mind, and recharge for the studies ahead?!

Read, Ride, and Run

So it made me think, I want to tell Seminarians to take advantage of the free (“included with tuition”) fitness facilities available to us as students. Play “Noon Ball”, go for a quick run or walk, lift a few weights, sit on the recumbent bike while reading that theology textbook. Don’t neglect to exercise the body God’s given you in your quest for exercising your mind. Both are important in our service for Christ. And you might just be surprised how much easier it is to focus on Greek after running around the block for Jesus. Don’t let Sedentary Seminary lull to sleep. Instead, stay one step ahead of the Seminary Several.

Perhaps you are blessed with a blissfully content heart that enables you to attend seminary for the purest motive of simply learning. You shrug your shoulders at a C+ and praise God that your friend pulled off an A. When someone else’s sermon leaves yours in the dust, you are giddy with excitement that that person has such tremendous gifting for the glory of God. You love losing arguments because you realize you just gained a new perspective. If that’s you, you can click on another headline because this article will leave you a bit disillusioned and maybe a little shocked about the depravity of your classmates! Because you see, there is a vast majority of us who have yet to be freed from the unrelenting compulsion to compete.

Is Competition Godly? I’ve been exploring that recently and have decided that there is Selfish Competition (which seeks its own), Godly Competition (against the forces of evil), and Neutral Competition (two or more parties agreeing to engage in recreational competition for the sake of a common goal, such as exercise or stress relief).

Academic Competition in Seminary?

But does academic competition belong in seminary? Yes, we are called to compete against laziness, to compete against procrastination, to compete against ungodliness so that we might show ourselves a workman approved, rightly dividing the word of Truth (2 Tim 2:15). But are we called to compete with each other?

How many times have you sat in seminary classes and listened to people argue? More often than I care to recount. Yes, we’re called to pursue truth, and I’m the first to engage in some exhilarating theological debate. But the goal is truth, the goal is a new perspective. Sadly more times than not, what’s bubbling up beneath the surface is not a passion for God’s truth, it’s a gnawing desire to be right. We are desperate to prove our own point, to validate our own position. In a word, to win. In our journey of theological training, we simply hate to lose.

What about those of us plagued with the ability to receive academic awards and honors? Do we relish the thought of receiving honors, being ranked highly in our class, being named the recipient of a distinguished award? Is this appropriate for those of us who have devoted our life to serving the cause of Christ, the Humble King?

I suggest that where selfish competition is present, we are missing out on the essence of our seminary education. We are called to esteem others better than ourselves, to rejoice in the success of others, to care more for others than for self. If we don’t walk circumspectly, our seminary classes will be nothing more than a fleshly competition for earthly “success.” Nothing could be farther from our goal.

My own prayer is that God would purge my heart of selfish motivations for honors, awards, accolades, and applause. Root out that gnawing desire to be right. With eyes peeled for his smile and ears perked for his praise, I pray to lay aside fleshly competition, and truly study for His pleasure. Even if it means losing a little along the way.

Guys, now’s the time when you go, make your wife a cup of tea, take the kids outside, and let her curl up on the couch with this blog. You’ll be glad you did.

I am so thankful for the unique opportunity of simultaneously being a seminary student and a seminary wife at the same time. Occasionally this feels a bit odd. At Multnomah there is a Student Wives Fellowship, a group that meets monthly in order for wives to feel more connected to each other. I never felt like that was the place for me. I wondered, Where is the Student Husbands Fellowship? Yeah, there isn’t one. Because, let’s face it, the majority of students in seminary are males. Trends are changing, but no matter what your position is on women in ministry, women will always have the unique and treasured job of childbearing, which means we will likely be spending more time changing diapers than studying theology.

However, I’m so thankful for the opportunity to be in seminary with my husband, and it’s made me aware of a few things I’d love to share with you. Whether you’re considering seminary, enrolled in your first year, or focused on the upcoming finish line, I pray this can be an encouragement to an inevitably weary soul.

Make Decisions Together

First, what I’ve discovered is that when our husbands sense God’s call to go to seminary, it is critical that we are in wholehearted agreement. If not, talk to him about it! The best piece of advice Jeff and I ever received with regards to making significant life decisions was, “Whatever you do, make sure you’re in total agreement. No matter what decision you make, if you’re both on board, you’ll make it through together.” We’ve succeeded and failed in this area. This past year we’ve been living with my parents in order to finish seminary full-time and have help with our 18-month-old son while we’re in class. Leaving our jobs, home, town, church, friends, and moving in with parents has been harder than we’d ever imagined. At times I’ve felt tempted to become bitter, murmuring to myself, “Why did I have to give up my home and my life so that Jeff could quit work to go to seminary?! I had to give up everything!” Whenever I’m tempted with these thoughts, you know what keeps me from going there?—remembering that we made this decision together. Together we decided to move, together we discerned this was God’s will, together we packed up all we owned and moved into their two guest bedrooms. I’m not a victim—we’re in this together.

So if your husband’s contemplating the call, seek God with all your heart to make sure you’re on the same page. Jeff teaches at a small Bible school in a nearby town, and sadly he recently had a student whose wife finally gave him an ultimatum—“You have to choose! It’s either me or school. You can’t have both.” That is the tragic end of a decision to pursue seminary that’s not made together.

Endure or Embrace?

Second, once we agree on the decision and take the plunge and head into this crazy world of seminary life, we choose one of two options: We endure or we embrace. To endure life as a seminary wife means we don’t complain when he stays up late to study, we don’t nag when doesn’t help give the kids their baths, we don’t whine when discretionary income is a distant memory. We bite our tongue and remind ourselves, this won’t last forever. Now that’s fine. It’s certainly better than a lot of responses. But it’s still incomplete. What I propose is that when God calls your husband to attend seminary, He calls you as well. In fact, I propose that your calling requires a steeper climb, a higher road, a costlier sacrifice. To embrace your husband’s calling to attend seminary means embracing the life that comes with that decision.

Now this will look different for every couple. I’m certainly not about to tell you how to do your marriage. Jeff and I have our ways of divvying up chores and responsibilities in a way that works for us. You have to find your own way. But embracing the call means joining him on the journey. The most difficult thing for couples in seminary is that fact that the husband is out experiencing profound spiritual truths, while the wife is often engulfed in the mundane details of work or home or kids or managing their life. So, how can we change this? Try reading a book he’s reading for class. Not enough time? Just read one chapter and discuss it with him. Read a paper he’s turning in and ask him about things that don’t make sense (or challenge him about things that aren’t well thought-through!). Visit a class once a month. Ask him to share with you some of the most impacting things he’s learning (and listen!). In short, as much as your schedule allows, experience seminary with him. Rather than seeing seminary as the enemy that prevents him from giving you the time and energy you desire, embrace it as a means of uniting with your husband in a whole new way. Join him on the journey.

And lastly, recognize that the spiritual and sensual are linked. Husbands can be tempted in good and bad ways during times of heightened spiritual experience. My pastor’s wife once told me, “My job is to seduce the pastor.” And that’s not degrading. You may write books, preach to thousands, have a successful career, raise children, empower people, but one of your jobs is to simply seduce the seminarian. Take it seriously.

That’s all for now. I’m thrilled to be included on this blog. I hope any of you wives and female students will contact me with thoughts, advice, woes, prayer requests, or questions. I’m just one girl, juggling the many hats we women are called to wear. My best to you all on the journey…it’s a sweet road ahead.